A film made for and by people who are desperate to be seen as painfully interesting.
La Belle et la Bete
Is there ever a good way to tell your children that Mommy fell in love with Daddy while he was holding her hostage?
Night and Fog
"As I speak to you now, the icy water of the ponds and ruins fill the hallows of the mass graves, a frigid and muddy water, as murky as our memory. War nods off to sleep, but keeps one eye always open."
The Lion King
Hamlet...with fur...for kids.
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
First joke of the film: the idea that anyone even cares what gentlemen prefer.
Tokyo Story
The Japanese version of that one time your dad told you not to worry about coming home for Thanksgiving, after all, your grandparents are going to live forever, right?
The Adventures of Prince Achmed
In which a young German artist, armed with shadow puppets, wiped the floor with Walt Disney.
Notorious
Do they make, "Sorry I only married you to gather information for the US government" greeting cards?
The Graduate
What, like you never made questionable decisions during your post-collegiate slump? Never accidentally slept with a married woman then fell in love with her daughter? Hypocrites.
The Lives of Others
If someone had told me when I was in college that I could pursue eavesdropping professionally, who knows how different my life would turned out?
Angels with Dirty Faces
In which Hayes Production Code Era Hollywood's goal is to make America terrified of yet slightly turned on by 1930s gangsters.
Philadelphia
A gay man dying from AIDS sues his law firm for discrimination, so you know, obviously a rom com.
Ordinary People
Less ordinary, more rich and white and WASPy and emotionally repressed.
Forbidden Games
Orphans, dead animals, the devastation of World War II...and you thought the first 15 minutes of Up were hard to watch.
if....
A fancy English boarding school almost exactly like Hogwarts only instead of magic there's sadistic violence and a steady stream of homoerotic undertones.
Double Indemnity
An introduction into the sexy world of insurance claims adjusters and murder.
The Wicker Man
Proof that the fervently religious should always be regarded with a healthy degree of apprehension, lest they secretly be people-burning hippies.
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
I'll give you a hint: the man who shot Liberty Valance is exactly the person who seems like the type who would shoot Liberty Valance.
An American Werewolf in London
The cautionary tale of two arrogant American backpackers who disregard local safety advice and end up getting mauled by a werewolf.
Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge
Because if you have to get stranded somewhere, it might as well be in Europe with Shah Rukh Khan.